There's something about family get-togethers that can turn even the most confident senior executives into quiet underachievers, and seemingly "rational" individuals into petty bickerers. If you're stressing out about meeting with family over the holidays, sure that your excited anticipation will turn into disappointed reality, there are some ways you can prevent such disappointment from happening.

The key is to discover the negative behavior patterns you're repeating, and learn to create "new, productive familiars," according to Morris R. Shechtman, international change-management consultant and author of "The Internal Frontier: Creating the Personal Transformations that Lead to Success," which offers techniques for changing these behaviors.

"Holiday hell can be avoided if we just stop repeating the familiar," Shechtman said.

The senior executive who oversees a staff of 100 in a Fortune 500 company and assumes an underachiever role in the presence of her family may not have received parental recognition of her leadership ability as a child, being overshadowed by the athletic prowess of her siblings. As a result, she now unconsciously assumes that same inferior role when in the company of her family, Shechtman explained.

Or, a normally rational person, known by friends and co-workers for his calm demeanor, even temperament and ability to put things in their proper perspective may find himself bickering over petty issues at the dinner table, determined to win his point, because he received minimal positive reinforcement from his parents as a youth and is still trying to win their approval.

"We all have a tendency to repeat the familiar," Shechtman said. "We must learn how to recognize the familiar — attitudes from our childhoods that cause us to act in predictable and often destructive ways, and create new familiars that foster personal growth and positive relationships."

"Families who get together just one or two days a year around the holidays and try to make up forthe other 364 days are likely to experience relationship stress," added Dr. John Garrison, director of the stress management program at Lahey Clinic, Burlington, Mass. "The drama of a lifetime of conflicts is often played out over the course of a three-hour meal and a holiday visit."

Garrison suggests calling a truce in advance of holiday get-togethers. To foster a happier holiday season, he offered the following tips:

Become a good time manager; to avoid stress, allow extra time for all activities.

Schedule daily time alone.

Practice moderation in eating and drinking.

Suppress the need to instruct or criticize; listen more, talk less.

Have realistic expectations and learn to "go with the flow."

Make a budget and stick to it.

Shop early at off-peak times; consider shopping by mail.